Oh so Okay, today I spent about two hours reading what I wrote almost ten years ago. You can check it out here. It's as if I was reading about someone else's life, to be honest.
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Embarrassed? Not really. I had a pretty fucked-up childhood, sucking up to teachers in the classroom, made Prefect and was proud to abuse the power, thought I was the smartest person on the planet and basically in denial with everything that didn't go right. No, not embarrassed. Just couldn't really believe I was him before.
I read the posts again and found one interesting line that said, i'll never do drugs. I'll never smoke cigarettes.
Well, hate to break it to you kid, in your early twenties, you smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. That's 40 sticks. There's an old wise man that would be telling me now to make peace with my past. Hey, I don't have a problem with that past anymore. If I hadn't been that naive and arrogant, I would not have experienced "epic failures" and fallen into the dark periods of my life for the past couple of years before, and I'm thankful for that because those dark moments have really taught me a lot about humility, acceptance, failure, relationships, and God.
I read the rest of the posts and I'm actually quite sad that I am not able to maintain a strong relationship with a few people I was really really close back then. I grew up, they did too. But that's sad, you know?
Then again, people come and go. But I'm glad I started writing back then, it's nice to read a piece of my old life again. Perhaps I need some of that, to remind me I shouldn't make the same mistakes I did before.
